suppression of depression
Are you unmotivated? Chronically melancholy? Fatigued? Emotional without direct cause? Sound like a prescription ad yet? Ok, but seriously.
Depression is like an unwelcome houseguest. You feel stuck, helpless, and frustrated with the situation but feel like you can’t do anything about it. You have no choice but to deal with it. Sounding more relatable now? Yea I thought so. I don’t feel as though anyone chooses to be depressed intentionally. It is something that can creep up on you without recognition. Sometimes it is a more sudden or clinical onset. Either way or any way in between, it can happen to all of us. Just like there are many forms of depression, there are also many ways in which people choose to deal with it.
As someone who has dealt with various levels of depression for years I can tell you that there are certainly healthy and unhealthy methods of “dealing.” Oftentimes you feel isolated in your feelings, so you hide either in the literal sense or just hide that side of you while living what seems to be a normal life. All the grey muddled stuff manifests when sitting alone, when drinking, when under pressure, or during other times of emotional distress. Depression is also directly linked to feelings of fear and doubt. All these can become crippling to the point of interfering in a big way with your career, relationships, physical state, and much more.
I heard a quote this quote last week — “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again.” It’s broad, I know. But I like it. I feel like when applied to this topic it carries great weight. I mean how have your methods of “dealing:” been going for you really? Do you feel as though you are doing the best you can? Are you happy with how you are moving along through this stage of life? Heavy questions. When dealing with a state such as depression we have the ability to strengthen our minds, and become emotionally more intelligent, or spiral down and out of control into a place that knows no reason or hope. Acknowledging that you are in fact, depressed is the first real step. Sometimes the realization is shocking to you. It is certainly not something to be ashamed of. Now that you are aware, you can move forward and make more intentional decisions to battle it. Which brings me to the last bit I want to leave with you.
Self realization is only positive and constructive when you do something with it. It means getting off the couch and starting that project, instead of sitting there continuing to feel sorry for yourself and wondering why the success isn’t coming your way. It means saying no to the person, the habit, the environment that will put you or keep you in that unhealthy dark state. It’s ok to not be happy all the time. It’s ok to cry and have a quiet morning to yourself. It is not ok to make excuses and justify your apathy and destructive habits. Now you’re just a masochist pouring salt in a wound that maybe wasn’t self inflicted, but now is used as a crutch. A reason to not change. Fear of actually being fulfilled and happy is a real thing. Witnessing this tragedy firsthand was one of the most eye opening, sad lessons of my life and it made me emboldened in my pursuit of life. I realized I was doing the best I could and promised myself never to stop. Don’t let it stop you. Get some sleep tonight, then get up tomorrow and try again. I promise it will be worth it.
